It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

-(via xxfatal-attractionxx)

Take a stick and shove it through my ribs,
make it hurt,
Thats the only way to ever fucking get through to me.

Take a rake and brush my hair,
until my roots are bleeding and
I can’t see anymore.

Kiss me and kiss me until you are too tired to breathe,
I feel like you are going to end up leaving me
I feel like you are going to end up leaving me

I am just like my father.

-(via nepristupacnost)

zayhun:

one of the worst moments in life is probably when you’re in a room full of people and you look around and see them all talking and laughing and all of sudden you feel so sad and lonely that you can even feel a physical pain in your chest because you realize that they all belong to someone and they all have someone who belongs to them and you don’t, you’re just kind of there

i wish you wouldn’t wake up every morning, quiet, filling the room with a sense of regret for your actions the night before because when I’m with you, i’ve never felt happier, safer or more like me. And even though I know you’ll never feel the same, or if you do, you’ll just push me away because you’re scared, I know I’ll always feel a million times better when it’s just us. 

I hate going to sleep with you on my mind and not in my bed.

-Sleep   (via sagmirwo)

It’s all messed up:
The hair.
The bed.
The words.
The heart.
Life…

-William Leal.    (via retratou)

Someday I’ll be writing about someone who loves me back.

-10 word story (via dragostea)